hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
