Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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