Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
