just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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