I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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