I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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