If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
