just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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