I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
