life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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