I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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