If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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