youre lurking in front of me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
