Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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