I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
