They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
