Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
