Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
