I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
