Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
