and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
