North Korea, Best Korea!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
