shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
