I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
