Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
