I'm going to jail i love you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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