part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
