I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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