I am puke
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
