Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
