Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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