I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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