Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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