omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
