Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
