You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
