: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
