you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
