On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
