your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
