walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
