He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
