I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
