guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Michael Bay diarrhea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
