First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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