How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
