i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
