walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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