You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
