the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
