Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
