How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
