So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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