apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
