Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
