what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
