Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
