I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
