Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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