i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I see more hoeing in ur future
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