DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
