well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
