I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
