What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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