my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
