I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
