I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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