YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
