So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
