I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
